In one go, I bought a few books,

By X. Z. Shao

In one go, I bought a few books,
among them, a book of  

floral drawings and paintings
by a French court painter
or someone else,
I don’t even remember.
I took a casual turning of the pages
with my heart jumping
and my breath quickening for its beauty,
then put it aside
as a delicacy for my future eyes.
Yesterday, a few months later,
I thought about it,
but it was nowhere to be found.
Rummaging all shelves,
going through book by book,
once, twice, thrice,
sure, I would be crazy without it.
As the evening mealtime
of the canteen drew near to close
and I couldn’t eat books
that filled up my kitchen,
I was totally defeated.
To get out of the abyss,
I filled up my belly
and took a usual evening walk.
Today, I resumed the stupid search again
and almost missed my noon meal.
A little irritation,
a little heartache,
I don’t know how many times
It will gnaw my heart
as a distant loss of love.

               2015/5/19